Catching up

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Im sorry to have to tell you that the intrusive memories you mention get worse with age.

Well, that's comforting to know.

Actually, I already assumed as much. When I was younger I thought that by now it would have been less frequent in my life as I got older, but I'm 45 now and it only seems to be getting stronger. I also thought that my memory would have eventually run out of room by now, but it apparently hasn't reached capacity yet. I don't even want to think about what it's going to be like when I'm 80.

I guess I'm subconsciously preparing for that life review I expect when I die.

I think that each and every single one of us walking around on this planet has done, or thought of doing something that is considered by our faith to be questionable. But most of us know when and where to draw the line.

I went through Hell when I was a kid, but I didn't go forth into this world and choose to do the same evil to other people, I could have, but I made the choice to be a better person. I treat everybody with respect and decency until they make the choice to turn against me, and then I will react accordingly. I haven't had to kill anybody yet, but I would do it without hesitation if I had to because I believe that the Good Lord gave us the gift of our life, and the right to defend that life against the people that would attack us.

Yes, I've done some bad things, and one day when it's time for my *interview* with the Good Lord, I will answer for my actions, everybody will. I don't know what the outcome will be, but I do know that with the unbelievable evil acts that some people have done in this life, most of us are saints compared to those people.

"What you need for a happy old age is a good digestion and a bad memory."

Honestly, I think that it would be a perfect life if that was actually true.

But I think that we are given memory, and the ability to reflect on our lives and experiences for a reason, whether they are good or bad, filled with joy or regret, we carry them with us to learn from them, and when possible, to teach others. I suppose that it's a necessary part of being human. Then again, what do I know? I'm just a guy with a keyboard.

[Murfreesboro]

Many years ago, when we were living in Virginia, a student was questioning his/her teachers for a yearbook article. The student wanted to know how each teacher defined what a human being is. When he (she?) came to my husband, he said that "a human being is the creature who has the capacity to imagine a future different from the past and present." I was blown away by that response. I asked my husband, "Did you read that somewhere?" And he said no. But I've never heard a better definition. You know, animals have remarkable intelligence and intuition, but they're never going to transform themselves or their environments the way people can and do. A beaver building a dam is amazing, but he'll build it the same way beavers built it a thousand years ago, and a thousand years from now beavers will be doing the same thing the same way.

Even though animals have an innate fear of death, I don't think they have the capacity to dwell on their mortality, to consider how their time is limited. They tend to live in the present, I think, even though they can obviously remember some things that were outstandingly good or bad. They can be trained. But I don't think they can project into the future the way we do. As you've said, that's a blessing and a curse. But I think there's a reason why so many great writers over the years have seen our awareness of our mortality as more of a blessing. It motivates us and makes everything more valuable.