Boo?...

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

That is a touching story about your daughter, I hope she knows how much she means to you. I've personally witnessed what prayer can do, things that can only be described as miracles, so I know someone is listening.

I definitely agree that we learn from our kids, I know that by being a a father to 2 girls that I have a better understanding of the opposite gender now, things that I wouldn't have even contemplated before, I can now relate to. Another thing I think you learn by being a parent is that you finally understand what it was like for your parents, you can look at it from their perspective and realize what they went through, and it makes you appreciate everything they did for you.

It's unfortunate that you had to go through that situation after your mothers passing, did you get back your mothers stuff when they caught the woman responsible, or at least get some justice?

[Murfreesboro]

No, the things she stole were gone forever. Some of it was sentimental to me, and after it was all over, I sat down and cried for maybe five minutes by the clock. Then I decided that I'd cried enough, that it was just stuff, and I already had more stuff than I needed. I had a good husband and a family, so I was ok.

The woman was arrested and sent to prison, but not for what she did to me. She had worked as a companion to an elderly lady and had stolen checks from her, and she was caught on tape at the bank cashing those forged checks. The police officer who told me about her arrest was gleeful. He said, "I have been after her for a long time, and I've got her now. She's going to do hard time for this." I asked him what would happen to her, and he said, "She'll be sentenced to 15 years in the penitentiary. Realistically, she'll do five, but she's not getting out of it." I decided it was enough, and I let it go.

One comfort to me during all this was the memory of my paternal grandmother, for whom I named my daughter. She had lost everything she owned twice in her life, first by flood in the 1927 Mississippi River flood that inundated Greenville, MS (still legendary in the state), and again 30 yrs later by fire when the house she shared with her widowed sister burned to the ground in rural Calera, Alabama. She told my mother (her DIL) that God had shown her she wasn't supposed to own anything. If you gave her a gift she would immediately regift it. But she wasn't bitter, that was the thing. She was among the most cheerful, jolly, loving people who ever lived. My mother always said she was the most charming woman she had ever met in her life, and she loved her MIL dearly. So I drew strength from her memory.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

It's good that you had your family to keep you strong and get you through that situation, having people there for you makes a big difference. I know you had mentioned your father in a old post that I read years ago, but I don't remember if you went into details about him. If you don't mind my asking, what happened to him? I know we have already been discussing some very personal stuff, but I'll understand if you don't want to talk about it.

I think it's sweet that you named your daughter after your grandmother, naming your kids after family members that have passed on is a wonderful way to honor them, and keep their memory alive.

I wanted to name my son after my grandfather on my mothers side, I didn't know him long because he passed away when I was 9, he was a great guy and I'm thankful for the time that I had with him. His name was Samuel, but everyone called him Sam, when I found out that my wife was pregnant with our first kid I guess I just expected to have a boy, so we agreed that we would give him that name. Then when the baby got here and we found out it was a girl we decided to name her Samara. We chose that name for a few reasons, it's a religious name, it was also the name of the girl in The Ring movies, and we both loved the movies, and because we could just call her Sam for short.

When we found out that another baby was on the way, I thought, this is great, when he gets here I'll give him that name and both kids would be named Sam and Sam, and it would be cute. But then SURPRISE! another adorable little girl, at first we didn't know what we were going to name her because we both expected to have a son, so my wife named her Phoebe after the character Lisa Kudrow played on the show Friends. I thought it was a cute name for a cute baby so I agreed.

I don't know why none of my siblings didn't name their kids after our grandfather, I guess they thought his name was old fashioned, or maybe they didn't have the same connection with him that I did. But honestly, I wouldn't change a thing, my girls are awesome, and I know that one day I will pass his name on to someone in my family, maybe my grandson, and I know my grandfather will be looking on with a smile.

[Murfreesboro]

Your little girls have beautiful names, and not extremely common ones. It is always a challenge to name a child. You want something distinctive, but not too out there. It was inventive of you and your wife to find a name for your older daughter that honors your grandfather. Like you, I like to use family names when I can. I named my older son for my father (first name) and my husband (second name). That is the tradition in his family, that the father's first name becomes the son's middle name.

My own father died of lung cancer. He got sick when I was 4 and died when I was 7. He was a heavy smoker (5 packs a day for decades), so it wasn't too surprising. I have never touched a cigarette in consequence.

My mother was 40 and my father 47 when I was born, so he was 54 when he died. He was my mother's only husband and I her only child, but he had been married before and had an older son and daughter. They used to visit when he was alive but stopped coming around after he died. I occasionally see my half brother at family reunions, but I haven't seen my half sister since the day of our father's funeral. She is so much older than I that she has a daughter 2 yrs younger than I am.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

I agree that choosing the right names for kids can be challenging, I think my mother did well when she chose the names she gave her 4 kids, as she told us that our father had no involvement in naming us. We each have, what I would consider to be uncommon names, but they are normal enough that we didn't get picked on.

My mother has a uncommon name as well, at least you don't hear it much these days, her name is Beverly, and my father's name is Jack, a very common name for back then. I still don't know how my parents ended up together as they are both very different people. My mother grew up in San Francisco, and she describes herself as a free loving hippie flower child of the 60s, and after knowing her for the last 40 years, I would say that is a accurate assessment, as she is a very kind, compassionate, and fun person to be around. When we were kids she was a awesome mother, somehow she's even better at being a grandmother.

My father however, was a very stern and grouchy man, he was a alcoholic, and we hardly ever saw him smile. He was born in Ontario Canada, and from what one of our uncles told us, he had a rough upbringing with the way his father treated them, so I guess he didn't know better when he became a parent. Don't get me wrong, he provided well for us, and he never hit my sisters, though us boys got the back of his hand if he was in a mood, but I know that he tried to be a better man than his father was. Looking back, I suppose the only good thing I can remember about him was that we got to have Thanksgiving twice every year, as we would celebrate the Canadian Thanksgiving as well, and that was the only time he wasn't a jerk.

Somewhere along the way my parents met, but like I said, I don't know why they got together, or how they stayed married for as long as they did. My father is still alive, at least he was the last time I asked, but he doesn't want anything to do with us. We tried occasionally to reach out to him but he pushes us away, I think that he's only met 1 of his 8 grandchildren to this day. After my brother had his first son, he went to visit our father to introduce him to his grandson, and my father slammed the door in his face. So if he wants to be a bitter old man that's his choice.

I think that by observing our parents, we learn what NOT to do in our own lives, like you making the choice to stay away from cigarettes after watching what happened to your father. I'm the same way with beer, and alcohol in general. I absolutely won't touch beer because I saw what it did to my father, and I only have other alcohol on special occasions like weddings.

I'm sorry that you lost your father at such a young age, I can only imagine what it was like for you. I know that I have thought about what could happen to me, and what it would do to my kids. I know that from a financial standpoint they would be fine, and they have plenty of family that would be there for them, but I don't even want to think about what they would go through on a emotional level. I know there's no guarantees, I could go at any time, but hopefully I'll stick around for them.

[Murfreesboro]

I'm sorry to learn there is such an estrangement in your family between your dad and the rest of you. He is missing out on so much, by his own choice. I guess all you can do in a situation like that is pray for his heart to be opened. It's sad.

Losing a parent in childhood is like belonging to a club you didn't choose. You have radar out all your life long on other people, sometimes famous ones, who have also lost a parent when they were too young. (Right now I guess the most famous examples would be the English princes, both of whom I think were indelibly marked by Diana's death.) Kids are generally OK, because growing up is their reason for being, and they are engrossed by it. But they are always marked somehow. In my case, because my father was terminally ill for so long, I was never close to him. He was busy dying and I was busy living. My chief regret is that I never really got to know him or talk with him. I think I have spent my whole life trying to tell him that I loved him. I also think, looking back, that my whole personality and early direction in life were shaped by his absence.

My mother did a great job of working to keep me in touch with his family, which wasn't that easy, because they were spread out all over the country. Her family was all centered in one town in Arkansas, but his siblings had moved from Mississippi to Texas, California, Florida, and Chicago. But she made sure I knew them all and took me to every family reunion as well. For a few years my half-brother lived with his young family in my mother's home town, so we would visit him whenever we went up to Arkansas. I mean, Mama tried to keep me connected as well as she could. Consequently I am now fairly close to several of my paternal cousins, especially those in TX and CA.

[TheHeadlessHorseman]

Like you, my family is spread across the country, and at least 3 other countries that I'm aware of, Canada, England, and France. Most of my family lives in Florida, including my grandaunt, most of my uncles and aunts, a bunch of my cousins, and my older sister. Some of them we haven't seen in years, and others we get together with occasionally.

Believe me, your father knows how much you love him, our loved ones that have passed on may not be here with us physically, but they are always with us, so he knows. I'm glad that you were able to stay close to your fathers side of the family after his passing, and that you still have a relationship with them to this day, as family is one of the most important things we have. I sincerely hope that one day you will get to experience the joy of being a grandparent, I have seen the pleasure that it has brought to my mother, and hope that everyone that wants that happiness in their life will have it.

I also want to say thank you for this conversation Murfreesboro, this stroll down memory lane has been insightful and therapeutic. It was a pleasure hearing your perspective, and I appreciate you sharing your personal stories with me. If there is ever any topic that you want to discuss, regardless of the subject, then please feel free to leave a post as I'm usually here.

[Murfreesboro]

Thanks, HH. It's been very interesting for me, too. It's funny how you can get into deeper conversations on line sometimes than you do with people in everyday life.

[Andybev01]

I just spent 30 minutes reading this epic conversation; whoa.

Whoa good, not bad.

[Murfreesboro]

Lol. We should have charged admission.

[MauEvig]

I guess the past few years I've just been busy with life outside the forum.
With Halloween not being as popular here in the county, I've sought out other ways to celebrate. But I still have candy the night of ready to go just in case typically and I dress up and still decorate the house. That said, I might tone it down for home at least. There's no sense getting hyped up and then get like one trick or treater.
On the other hand, I'll go all out at work or trunk or treat because at least I know there will be kids (and adults, and hopefully some fellow Halloween enthusiasts) who will appreciate it.
My boyfriend and I have fun going to Halloween events like the ones I mentioned like Hull's Drive in Horrorfest and King's Dominion's Halloween. I feel like doing that and watching horror movies at home fulfills my Halloween celebrations. I still make the effort to carve a pumpkin, usually. That's kind of an important tradition. I've only really skipped out if it was a tiring or stressful year and I just didn't get to it. But this year, I'm definitely carving a pumpkin.
That said, if I see a cute cat decoration and it isn't too expensive...I consider it mine.
To be honest though it's been such a depressing, stressful summer this year that it was kind of a welcome thing to see the Halloween forums were still alive (or undead?) in some capacity and I realized I hadn't been here in a coon's age. So...now here I am haunting the forums again.