Are you a Halloween Geek? Take this test and find out.
Posted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 5:17 pm
Many of us wonder, "Am I a Halloween Geek?" Such an odd question and one that cannot be easily answered. Sure, you can ask around, but the only people who are able to accurately gauge your Halloween geekiness are fellow Halloween geeks, and they're too busy quantifying their own geekiness to bother with yours. Thus, after much toil and sweat and diligent research, I have come up with the following "Are you a Halloween Geek?" survey. Answer it honestly and tally up your score at the end. Be honest! How can your love for All Hallows Eve be measured precisely if you're going to be a big fat liar! Give yourself one point for every situation to which you answer "yes", then see the score chart to find out whether or not you're a Halloween geek. Don't forget to share your score with the rest of us! Let's begin, shall we?
Your entire wardrobe is either orange or black or a combination of both.
You live in a geodesic dome that's modeled after a giant pumpkin.
You start making your own fake tombstones in June.
You own more than one Halloween sound effects record, CD, or tape. (mp3s don't count).
You keep hearing about this "Christmas" thing but have no idea what anybody's talking about.
You know how to pronounce "Samhain".
You have a literal skeleton in your closet.
You've spent more than $100 on a single Halloween decoration or prop.
You'll watch "It's A Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" even after your grand kids have out grown it.
Your parents think your love for the holiday is "a little much."
You set up a haunted house in your garage.
If Halloween falls on a weekday, you use vacation time in order to better enjoy it.
Strange things tend to pop out of your hedges and scare kids on Halloween night.
Your out-going message has some reference to Halloween.
You know the only movie in the Halloween franchise that does NOT feature Michael Myers.
You rent a storage unit so you have a safe place to keep your myriad Halloween decorations.
Your spouse or significant other says that you can no longer afford said storage unit, so you opt to set up your Halloween display year 'round.
You make your friends Halloween themed mix CDs or tapes.
You've watched more than 10 youtube videos with "Yard Haunt" in the title.
Your house is famous in your neighborhood for your elaborate display of Halloween festoonery.
You have two boys. One named Jack, the other O'Lantern. (Go ahead and give yourself 2 points for this, as your geekiness runs so deep you've foisted it upon your offspring.)
You get more excited than your kids do for Halloween night (if you don't have kids, then substitute in your best friend's kids or maybe nieces and nephews).
You've trick-or-treated in your twenties.
You have a box of Halloween masks.
Of all your childhood memories, Halloween memories are your fondest.
Before you recycle or throw anything away you ask yourself "Could I use this in my yard haunt/haunted garage?"
You religiously watch "Ghost Hunters", "Ghost Adventures", or some other paranormal reality show (although this could fall under the plain geek category as well).
Each year, you resist the urge to cruise the high schools in a station wagon wearing cover-alls and a creepy mask.
You own a fog machine.
You've built your own fog chiller for your fog machine.
Someone looks at your costume in dismay and says, "That's disgusting."
You obsessively start checking the weather for 10/31, hoping that rain is not in the forecast as rain will totally destroy your yard haunt.
You think store-bought costumes or renting a costume is TOTALLY LAME!
You know what you're going to be for Halloween on November 1st.
You've never dressed up as a "slutty _________." (This is mainly for the ladies. Have you ever noticed how many women dress up as something slutty? This really perplexes me and is a topic that merits its own discussion.)
You own John Carpenter's Halloween on an obsolete format, i.e. Beta or Laser Disc.
The neighborhood kids are afraid of you and have written a new nursery rhyme paying homage to your creepiness.
You carve your pumpkin so early that on Halloween night it is a festering pile of nastiness on your stoop attracting all sorts of unknown flying pests.
You own at least one strobe light.
On Halloween night you scare the kiddies so bad the police are notified.
Now add up your yes answers (hopefully you were keeping track as you went). If your score is:
0 - 5 Points: The Ones So Low They Cannot Be Named. You prefer other holidays over Halloween, which is just a so-so occasion for you. On Halloween, you turn off all the lights in the front room and hide out in the back of the house, secluded in a room illuminated only by reruns of Matlock coming from a 13" black and white TV with rabbit ears. Pathetic! You're probably just a regular dork. Log out of Halloween.com now!
5 - 10 Points: Shalloweenist. You're not quite up to snuff, can't cut the Halloween mustard, you haven't got the blood and guts. You think Halloween Spook Houses are boring and ghosts are "figments of the imagination". When someone mentions the name "Michael Myers", you automatically think they're referring to the guy who played Austin Powers. But there's always next year; plenty of time for you to improve . . .
10 - 20 Points: Poop Or Get Off The Cauldron! You're still not sure you're with us. You like carving pumpkins and scary movies and all, but you don't dig dead leaves and long shadows. You're not sure if you like autumn more than spring or vice versa. You're favorite Halloween song is "Thriller" by Michael Jackson, but you've only heard the edited version where Vincent Price's monologue is cut out. You buy all kindsa candy, then eat it all yourself. I wish I could be more encouraging, but that bit with the candy, man that's just selfish.
30 - 40 Points: Master Geek Halloweenist. You begin to lose sleep the first week of August in anticipation for October 31st. You're the "17 And Counting" of Flying Crank Ghosts and use only genuine Dignified Caskets in your yard haunt. Satin-lined for extra luxury and a rotten meat smell for authenticity. And the candy you give out to trick-or-treaters on Halloween? None of those "fun size" confections from you - since when is less candy more fun? - no sirree, you only give out the King sizers, baby! The kids in your neighborhood bow to you and wash your car for free. Even in December.
41 Points - You are the Supreme Master Halloween Geek and all others must revere you! You can literally eat pumpkin seeds and poop Jack O'Lanterns, exquisitely carved! You fly around your neighborhood on a broom knowing full well that a Swiffer Jet Mop is more technologically advanced - it even cradles your buttcocks a little nicer, too - but it's not nearly as intimidating as that old beat-up straw number you found in a nook up in the attic! The shutters on your house creak and bang even when it's not windy. You know it's okay to steal candy from a baby, especially when the one doing the stealing is another baby. You have a pet dark cloud, your own eerie church organ theme song, and your life is an endless Hitchcock montage. Please say hello to Jack and O'Lantern for me, will ya?
Your entire wardrobe is either orange or black or a combination of both.
You live in a geodesic dome that's modeled after a giant pumpkin.
You start making your own fake tombstones in June.
You own more than one Halloween sound effects record, CD, or tape. (mp3s don't count).
You keep hearing about this "Christmas" thing but have no idea what anybody's talking about.
You know how to pronounce "Samhain".
You have a literal skeleton in your closet.
You've spent more than $100 on a single Halloween decoration or prop.
You'll watch "It's A Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" even after your grand kids have out grown it.
Your parents think your love for the holiday is "a little much."
You set up a haunted house in your garage.
If Halloween falls on a weekday, you use vacation time in order to better enjoy it.
Strange things tend to pop out of your hedges and scare kids on Halloween night.
Your out-going message has some reference to Halloween.
You know the only movie in the Halloween franchise that does NOT feature Michael Myers.
You rent a storage unit so you have a safe place to keep your myriad Halloween decorations.
Your spouse or significant other says that you can no longer afford said storage unit, so you opt to set up your Halloween display year 'round.
You make your friends Halloween themed mix CDs or tapes.
You've watched more than 10 youtube videos with "Yard Haunt" in the title.
Your house is famous in your neighborhood for your elaborate display of Halloween festoonery.
You have two boys. One named Jack, the other O'Lantern. (Go ahead and give yourself 2 points for this, as your geekiness runs so deep you've foisted it upon your offspring.)
You get more excited than your kids do for Halloween night (if you don't have kids, then substitute in your best friend's kids or maybe nieces and nephews).
You've trick-or-treated in your twenties.
You have a box of Halloween masks.
Of all your childhood memories, Halloween memories are your fondest.
Before you recycle or throw anything away you ask yourself "Could I use this in my yard haunt/haunted garage?"
You religiously watch "Ghost Hunters", "Ghost Adventures", or some other paranormal reality show (although this could fall under the plain geek category as well).
Each year, you resist the urge to cruise the high schools in a station wagon wearing cover-alls and a creepy mask.
You own a fog machine.
You've built your own fog chiller for your fog machine.
Someone looks at your costume in dismay and says, "That's disgusting."
You obsessively start checking the weather for 10/31, hoping that rain is not in the forecast as rain will totally destroy your yard haunt.
You think store-bought costumes or renting a costume is TOTALLY LAME!
You know what you're going to be for Halloween on November 1st.
You've never dressed up as a "slutty _________." (This is mainly for the ladies. Have you ever noticed how many women dress up as something slutty? This really perplexes me and is a topic that merits its own discussion.)
You own John Carpenter's Halloween on an obsolete format, i.e. Beta or Laser Disc.
The neighborhood kids are afraid of you and have written a new nursery rhyme paying homage to your creepiness.
You carve your pumpkin so early that on Halloween night it is a festering pile of nastiness on your stoop attracting all sorts of unknown flying pests.
You own at least one strobe light.
On Halloween night you scare the kiddies so bad the police are notified.
Now add up your yes answers (hopefully you were keeping track as you went). If your score is:
0 - 5 Points: The Ones So Low They Cannot Be Named. You prefer other holidays over Halloween, which is just a so-so occasion for you. On Halloween, you turn off all the lights in the front room and hide out in the back of the house, secluded in a room illuminated only by reruns of Matlock coming from a 13" black and white TV with rabbit ears. Pathetic! You're probably just a regular dork. Log out of Halloween.com now!
5 - 10 Points: Shalloweenist. You're not quite up to snuff, can't cut the Halloween mustard, you haven't got the blood and guts. You think Halloween Spook Houses are boring and ghosts are "figments of the imagination". When someone mentions the name "Michael Myers", you automatically think they're referring to the guy who played Austin Powers. But there's always next year; plenty of time for you to improve . . .
10 - 20 Points: Poop Or Get Off The Cauldron! You're still not sure you're with us. You like carving pumpkins and scary movies and all, but you don't dig dead leaves and long shadows. You're not sure if you like autumn more than spring or vice versa. You're favorite Halloween song is "Thriller" by Michael Jackson, but you've only heard the edited version where Vincent Price's monologue is cut out. You buy all kindsa candy, then eat it all yourself. I wish I could be more encouraging, but that bit with the candy, man that's just selfish.
30 - 40 Points: Master Geek Halloweenist. You begin to lose sleep the first week of August in anticipation for October 31st. You're the "17 And Counting" of Flying Crank Ghosts and use only genuine Dignified Caskets in your yard haunt. Satin-lined for extra luxury and a rotten meat smell for authenticity. And the candy you give out to trick-or-treaters on Halloween? None of those "fun size" confections from you - since when is less candy more fun? - no sirree, you only give out the King sizers, baby! The kids in your neighborhood bow to you and wash your car for free. Even in December.
41 Points - You are the Supreme Master Halloween Geek and all others must revere you! You can literally eat pumpkin seeds and poop Jack O'Lanterns, exquisitely carved! You fly around your neighborhood on a broom knowing full well that a Swiffer Jet Mop is more technologically advanced - it even cradles your buttcocks a little nicer, too - but it's not nearly as intimidating as that old beat-up straw number you found in a nook up in the attic! The shutters on your house creak and bang even when it's not windy. You know it's okay to steal candy from a baby, especially when the one doing the stealing is another baby. You have a pet dark cloud, your own eerie church organ theme song, and your life is an endless Hitchcock montage. Please say hello to Jack and O'Lantern for me, will ya?
